昨天早上一起床就想到要幫虎子洗澡，所以有所謂人貓大戰這一回事。但這件事呢，其實就是指幫虎子小姐洗澡這件事，而不是大家在 MSN 上傳來的尷尬表情所想的那樣，實在不知如何解譯。貓咪怕水是天性，但這過程可真是一場大戰，值得大書特書。
一早起床，虎子睡在旁邊的被子上，就想過去跟她溫存一下（就是跟她玩一玩啦！其實是我自己搞曖昧，用這種字眼。），可是聞到一股動物味，就想到似乎該幫她洗澡了。想到之後馬上行動，進入備戰狀態！貓是很好奇的動物，在我拿出貓咪專用沐浴乳、放一盆溫水、拿出吹風機、鋪上乾毛毯的時候，虎子也忙進忙出的跟著我後面跑。她完全不知道我在做啥？哈哈，我的偽裝真好！虎子正在門旁用她大大的眼睛認專的觀察我的一舉一動。我準備的差不多了，最後脫下褲子，進行最後突擊：捉貓！
雖然虎子很仔細的觀察著我，但要抓她還是不容易。要先拿著她喜歡的繩子玩具，跟她玩一玩，然後在精準的將手臂繞過她的胸前，一把抱起來。不過為了不讓她可以捉到物體施力掙扎，最好把她騰空，高高的舉起她，這樣她才捉不到任何東西或衣物。我並不是光著屁股的喔，我換上短褲才捉著她進入浴室。
一看到浴盆的水，虎子開始緊張了！爪子伸出來，用力抓下去。身體剛浸溼的虎子就用她的利爪讓我身上多出一道見血的傷痕！我用力拉扯，沒想到整件衣服被拉起來遮住了眼精，啊，天呀，美好的早晨怎麼會是這樣的開始？！我的衣服總算掙脫了她的利爪，我打算改變策略，便把虎子壓在地板上，這樣她的四肢就捉不到任何東西了。我趕快手忙腳亂的倒出沐浴乳，幫她全身上下搓滿泡沫，再幫她按摩一下。壓在地板的策略有效，不過，我可是出了一身汗呀！這項「運動」真有益健康！
搓完泡沫，開始沖水清洗。正當我起身要轉開水龍頭的時候，發現一股衝破壓制的力量！啊，虎子的利爪又再次出現，跳了起來抓住我的短褲！我該怎麼辦？水龍頭已經開了，強力水流不斷湧出，虎子的利爪已經穿透短褲接觸我的大腿，汗水直流⋯⋯，當時的我真希望自己是個暴力狂，就可以把虎子打昏，用熱水沖她！然後在一旁冷笑。但不行呀，我可愛的虎子令我下不了手。我先忍痛用力把虎子按在我的大腿上，關水，再用雙手把她和我的褲子分開，這時聽到衣服割裂的聲音。下次洗貓，最好穿雨衣，或是全身塗潤滑油！
下一各動作，把她弄乾。把虎子放在乾毛毯上，用毛巾把全身的水先大約吸乾，然後再用吹風機吹乾。這時虎子變得好溫馴，我心情也沒那麼緊張了，感覺虎子應該會感激我吧，幫她洗的香香的。沒想到，又是一陣刺痛！我的前手臂又掛彩。天呀，趕快吹乾吧！身體大部分乾了之後，我趕快捉著她，跑出浴室，把她放到她的窩裡。這一切混亂總算落幕。
當我正在善後的時候，虎子小姐喵喵叫的看著我，然後大喇喇的跳上餐桌舔她的身體。她那優雅的姿勢以及可愛的模樣，讓我忘卻剛才發生的一切不愉快，反而拿起相機捕捉她的動作。我的虎子可是最可愛的小妞呢！我想，養貓的人大概都是這樣吧？儘管指著傷痕跟旁人說這是我家那隻貓捉的，但還是覺得，我家的貓可是全天下最可愛的動物囉！
3/23/2007
3/16/2007
life until now
How many names do I have?
I was born in a hospital, like many others did, and was fed with a bottle of milk. But I don't like milk. I would prefer tuna. Maybe this nature is inside me when I was born. Or maybe it was because my mother used to eat tuna and squid when she had me and my baby sisters in her womb. Squid! Yes, another of my favorite. I can eat a pack at once.
I am a young, energetic girl. My mother used to take good care of me. She let me play anything that I want, and I am always curious to find out everything new that I can play with. I grew up fast, soon I am able to take care of my own, but I still play with my baby sisters and always run to the protection of my mother when some others want to harm me. The merry days of childhood went away fast. I will never forget this time.
One day, I was taken away away by a stranger. I yelled to my mother and cried and cried. I didn't want to leave my mother and my sisters. Of course my mother resisted and protested, but some people held her aback, and my poor mother could only see her beloved be taken away, to the unknown. I was once caged and felt depressed. I could not hear or touch anything of my mother's. I was always in a bad mood, feeling to escape as long as there is an opportunity yet intimidated by that furious watchdog at the gate. Once I escaped the cage but seeing that I had nowhere to hide. As a result, I could only hide under the bed but in vain. I was put back to the cage soon after a wild chase. The watchdog saw me and started a furious fight against me, shouting dirty words. He was satisfied at his job, keeping me cornered before his boss returned. I didn't dare to move a bit. I might be torn into pieces. Soon the boss came back noticing this chase and seeing that I was under the bed. He shouted at the bad guy and tried protect me. How nice of him to do so to me! For once, I was thinking that I might be out of the hell. I reached to him and grabbed his fingers. As I was ready to rush to the boss's embrace, he held me at arm's length and stared at me. What's wrong, I thought to myself. The boss's eyes narrowed and shouted dirty words just as the watchdog did. He used his left hand to grab me while the other dashed to the bolt of the cage. I was shocked, he would still put me back into that cage! In that single moment, I realized that men are evil animals. They are just too hypocritical to hide their true selves. They can't even pretend it any longer as their wish came true. For me, I was hurt deeply. Though I had some scratches on my back, my heart bled for them. I knew at that instant that I would never ever trust a man.
Days past, my wounds healed, but I remained resentful to any man. I could only stare at that triangle piece of blue sky outside the window. I cried. I recalled my childhood, my mother's embrace of warmth, and the freedom of running anywhere. What I missed most is that I knew there is always a home for me to hide. Those who are weak turn to religion, those strong ones have faith inside. But at this moment, I could not but ask some unseen spirits to get me free.
One day, as I woke from my sleep, I saw the silver clouds outside. The rain was pouring and it was chilly. I couldn't remember how long have I been caged here. But I have to remember that day, the day that would change my life. The boss came in with a person. I wasn't sure what its intention was. I heard that malicious man called it "Miss." So it's a woman? I could not figure it out, since it has a contour that resembled that boss's. She came to close. I saw a pair of crystal clear eyes, just like mine. I liked this woman, but I flinched at the idea that her true intentions were well-hidden. I retreated to the deepest of the cage. However, the unknown spirits did not came to my assistance. I was captured and taken out of the cage. As I nervously looked around, the woman smiled at me. I stared back, trying to sense any thread of dishonest. But I couldn't. Soon the woman and the boss seemed to have a deal. I was placed in a smaller cage and the boss helped the woman to put me in the trunk. Darkness devoured me.
The car stopped, the trunk opened, it was still raining, I got wet. The woman carried me into an apartment, five floors she had climbed. I saw a big room with strange furniture before my eyes. The woman talked to me but I could not understand. I kept waiting, until I got a chance, I ran.
Where was I? I asked myself. I seemed to lie to myself that I was safe, and that I could start a free, new life. I was wrong. As soon I saw the woman's hand reaching me, I knew I was wrong. But i was sure of one thing that there wasn't anyone to chase after me. The surroundings were still and I could hear a steady yet rhythmic noise. The woman withdrew her hand. This was another sign that I was not in an environment that liked the previous one. I stayed there, didn't budge a bit.
I was hungry. And my curiosity took over my reason. I moved forward to see the room. It seemed to be a fairly decorated room. And I saw the woman. She was clad in jeans and T-shirt, wearing a pair of glasses and a short hair. She looked at me, intensely, but didn't show any movement of catching me. I went forward to the food that was prepared for me, yet staying alert for any malicious actions. The woman talked to me. Though I could never understand what I was sure that she gave me a name. She called me "Hana". I wasn't against any names since I wan born namelessly. The woman kept talking while I was eating. From her tone, I guess she was trying to calm me and assured that I wouldn't be caged anymore. I had enough of my meal, though there was still a lot left. But only those weak are greedy, the strong only take enough to stay mentally aware. I went around the room and the woman didn't stop me. So I kept searching.
Feeling no danger or threat, I was quite used to this room and the woman. She went out the room regular. I adventured everyday. It was great to have the room completely to myself. I was glad that the unknown spirits sent me out of the hell, but I must have faith to walk the right way. I should not lose myself and must always keep myself alert for anything that might destroy my dream of freedom. Even the amiable woman was not trustworthy. It was only at night that I could feel peaceful at mind.
It was another day of summer. Blazing sunshine and blue sky. I was gazing out on the balcony, breathing in the nature. But with my intuition, I knew there was something wrong. I thought I should try to remember everything here. Around noon, there was a man entering the room. I hesitated. He talked to the woman I knew and laughed. I could not figure out what was the conversation about. I tried to understand their intention by walking near them. But their smiles were like shields, propelling any questioning arrows from me. I failed. I felt depressed. I understood that I was just a little girl, so vulnerable, so weak that I could not make any resistance. I saw the cage that brought me to the woman's room appear before me once again. I knew it was my destiny to leave, but my nature made me run and hide. The man chased after me, hmm, just like the boss before. I cried when he finally got me. Even the woman I knew became a stranger. She simply looked at me be put into the cage. But I noticed her eyes were not the same as they were. There were water on them, shining and flowing down her cheeks. She must be hurt in the eyes. I cursed the man.
I stayed unmoved in the cage. He took me into the sunshine, obviously not afraid of being spotted by others. What's wrong with this man? Was I going to disappear in this world? But I am just a little girl, why should I accept this reality that my life was always in the hands of others. I shivered. Though the sunshine spread on my body, I could not sense any warmth. The world was faltering from me, my faith seemed to crumple at the same time, inch by inch.
We arrived at an another apartment. There was another woman at the apartment. She saw me and laughed. I concluded that when a person smiles, there must be something totally different in their doings. I rushed to my hiding place soon as I was released. I spied on the woman and the man. They were close to each other. I feared the combination of the two would trigger something that I would never able to accept or resist. This was the final destination of my life. I found out that my faith has faltered and yielding its place to the fear of the unknown. I cursed myself, hating myself ever more than before. Where was my courage when I needed it most?
It was late in the afternoon. I challenged an escape. I looked around. No people. I strengthened myself and walk around to seek an way out. The man was asleep. Where was the woman? She must be lurking somewhere to catch me. I circled the room. It was different from the room I stayed before. I could not sense any thread of threat or danger. Was this true that I am just in another safe place? I doubted.
In the morning, the man got up. I flinched as he walked toward me, fearing that he would catch me and limit my movement. However, he walked away. Going into a room that has fire, knives, and food. He was preparing food for himself. How did he ever get some many things from a large cold box? I was curious. The man didn't stop me going into the room, not he prevented me going up to the balcony. Strangely, I felt safe with this man. I followed him everything at a distance. Seeing him drink milk and sit before the desk. His fingers were moving on a pad. "Whozhi," he called to me. I stared at him. "What did he call me?" I thought to myself. Wasn't I Hana?
I still couldn't understand the changes in my life. But I know I am happy now. I can sleep to my heart's content. Eat when I want to eat and run around any time I want. The man seems to be my pet. Because every time I want to play, he plays with me. I bite him when I am angry, but he doesn't even hit me. He forgives me. I always look around the things on the balcony. I find that things change everyday. My adventures in the room changes either. But there is one thing that hasn't changed. The man is almost always at home. Get out and play! I sometimes shout at him. But he stays. I think the unseen spirits have sent me to take care of this man. I can also sense his strong faith. Seeing him always sit before the desk, fingers moving in the pad makes me sad. I wish I could change his life. I don't need him to be my pet. My name is "Hana," "Whozhi," or anything else, but I know I am a cat, I must work hard to be a pet. It's my duty. I must have faith to keep it.
I was born in a hospital, like many others did, and was fed with a bottle of milk. But I don't like milk. I would prefer tuna. Maybe this nature is inside me when I was born. Or maybe it was because my mother used to eat tuna and squid when she had me and my baby sisters in her womb. Squid! Yes, another of my favorite. I can eat a pack at once.
I am a young, energetic girl. My mother used to take good care of me. She let me play anything that I want, and I am always curious to find out everything new that I can play with. I grew up fast, soon I am able to take care of my own, but I still play with my baby sisters and always run to the protection of my mother when some others want to harm me. The merry days of childhood went away fast. I will never forget this time.
One day, I was taken away away by a stranger. I yelled to my mother and cried and cried. I didn't want to leave my mother and my sisters. Of course my mother resisted and protested, but some people held her aback, and my poor mother could only see her beloved be taken away, to the unknown. I was once caged and felt depressed. I could not hear or touch anything of my mother's. I was always in a bad mood, feeling to escape as long as there is an opportunity yet intimidated by that furious watchdog at the gate. Once I escaped the cage but seeing that I had nowhere to hide. As a result, I could only hide under the bed but in vain. I was put back to the cage soon after a wild chase. The watchdog saw me and started a furious fight against me, shouting dirty words. He was satisfied at his job, keeping me cornered before his boss returned. I didn't dare to move a bit. I might be torn into pieces. Soon the boss came back noticing this chase and seeing that I was under the bed. He shouted at the bad guy and tried protect me. How nice of him to do so to me! For once, I was thinking that I might be out of the hell. I reached to him and grabbed his fingers. As I was ready to rush to the boss's embrace, he held me at arm's length and stared at me. What's wrong, I thought to myself. The boss's eyes narrowed and shouted dirty words just as the watchdog did. He used his left hand to grab me while the other dashed to the bolt of the cage. I was shocked, he would still put me back into that cage! In that single moment, I realized that men are evil animals. They are just too hypocritical to hide their true selves. They can't even pretend it any longer as their wish came true. For me, I was hurt deeply. Though I had some scratches on my back, my heart bled for them. I knew at that instant that I would never ever trust a man.
Days past, my wounds healed, but I remained resentful to any man. I could only stare at that triangle piece of blue sky outside the window. I cried. I recalled my childhood, my mother's embrace of warmth, and the freedom of running anywhere. What I missed most is that I knew there is always a home for me to hide. Those who are weak turn to religion, those strong ones have faith inside. But at this moment, I could not but ask some unseen spirits to get me free.
One day, as I woke from my sleep, I saw the silver clouds outside. The rain was pouring and it was chilly. I couldn't remember how long have I been caged here. But I have to remember that day, the day that would change my life. The boss came in with a person. I wasn't sure what its intention was. I heard that malicious man called it "Miss." So it's a woman? I could not figure it out, since it has a contour that resembled that boss's. She came to close. I saw a pair of crystal clear eyes, just like mine. I liked this woman, but I flinched at the idea that her true intentions were well-hidden. I retreated to the deepest of the cage. However, the unknown spirits did not came to my assistance. I was captured and taken out of the cage. As I nervously looked around, the woman smiled at me. I stared back, trying to sense any thread of dishonest. But I couldn't. Soon the woman and the boss seemed to have a deal. I was placed in a smaller cage and the boss helped the woman to put me in the trunk. Darkness devoured me.
The car stopped, the trunk opened, it was still raining, I got wet. The woman carried me into an apartment, five floors she had climbed. I saw a big room with strange furniture before my eyes. The woman talked to me but I could not understand. I kept waiting, until I got a chance, I ran.
Where was I? I asked myself. I seemed to lie to myself that I was safe, and that I could start a free, new life. I was wrong. As soon I saw the woman's hand reaching me, I knew I was wrong. But i was sure of one thing that there wasn't anyone to chase after me. The surroundings were still and I could hear a steady yet rhythmic noise. The woman withdrew her hand. This was another sign that I was not in an environment that liked the previous one. I stayed there, didn't budge a bit.
I was hungry. And my curiosity took over my reason. I moved forward to see the room. It seemed to be a fairly decorated room. And I saw the woman. She was clad in jeans and T-shirt, wearing a pair of glasses and a short hair. She looked at me, intensely, but didn't show any movement of catching me. I went forward to the food that was prepared for me, yet staying alert for any malicious actions. The woman talked to me. Though I could never understand what I was sure that she gave me a name. She called me "Hana". I wasn't against any names since I wan born namelessly. The woman kept talking while I was eating. From her tone, I guess she was trying to calm me and assured that I wouldn't be caged anymore. I had enough of my meal, though there was still a lot left. But only those weak are greedy, the strong only take enough to stay mentally aware. I went around the room and the woman didn't stop me. So I kept searching.
Feeling no danger or threat, I was quite used to this room and the woman. She went out the room regular. I adventured everyday. It was great to have the room completely to myself. I was glad that the unknown spirits sent me out of the hell, but I must have faith to walk the right way. I should not lose myself and must always keep myself alert for anything that might destroy my dream of freedom. Even the amiable woman was not trustworthy. It was only at night that I could feel peaceful at mind.
It was another day of summer. Blazing sunshine and blue sky. I was gazing out on the balcony, breathing in the nature. But with my intuition, I knew there was something wrong. I thought I should try to remember everything here. Around noon, there was a man entering the room. I hesitated. He talked to the woman I knew and laughed. I could not figure out what was the conversation about. I tried to understand their intention by walking near them. But their smiles were like shields, propelling any questioning arrows from me. I failed. I felt depressed. I understood that I was just a little girl, so vulnerable, so weak that I could not make any resistance. I saw the cage that brought me to the woman's room appear before me once again. I knew it was my destiny to leave, but my nature made me run and hide. The man chased after me, hmm, just like the boss before. I cried when he finally got me. Even the woman I knew became a stranger. She simply looked at me be put into the cage. But I noticed her eyes were not the same as they were. There were water on them, shining and flowing down her cheeks. She must be hurt in the eyes. I cursed the man.
I stayed unmoved in the cage. He took me into the sunshine, obviously not afraid of being spotted by others. What's wrong with this man? Was I going to disappear in this world? But I am just a little girl, why should I accept this reality that my life was always in the hands of others. I shivered. Though the sunshine spread on my body, I could not sense any warmth. The world was faltering from me, my faith seemed to crumple at the same time, inch by inch.
We arrived at an another apartment. There was another woman at the apartment. She saw me and laughed. I concluded that when a person smiles, there must be something totally different in their doings. I rushed to my hiding place soon as I was released. I spied on the woman and the man. They were close to each other. I feared the combination of the two would trigger something that I would never able to accept or resist. This was the final destination of my life. I found out that my faith has faltered and yielding its place to the fear of the unknown. I cursed myself, hating myself ever more than before. Where was my courage when I needed it most?
It was late in the afternoon. I challenged an escape. I looked around. No people. I strengthened myself and walk around to seek an way out. The man was asleep. Where was the woman? She must be lurking somewhere to catch me. I circled the room. It was different from the room I stayed before. I could not sense any thread of threat or danger. Was this true that I am just in another safe place? I doubted.
In the morning, the man got up. I flinched as he walked toward me, fearing that he would catch me and limit my movement. However, he walked away. Going into a room that has fire, knives, and food. He was preparing food for himself. How did he ever get some many things from a large cold box? I was curious. The man didn't stop me going into the room, not he prevented me going up to the balcony. Strangely, I felt safe with this man. I followed him everything at a distance. Seeing him drink milk and sit before the desk. His fingers were moving on a pad. "Whozhi," he called to me. I stared at him. "What did he call me?" I thought to myself. Wasn't I Hana?
I still couldn't understand the changes in my life. But I know I am happy now. I can sleep to my heart's content. Eat when I want to eat and run around any time I want. The man seems to be my pet. Because every time I want to play, he plays with me. I bite him when I am angry, but he doesn't even hit me. He forgives me. I always look around the things on the balcony. I find that things change everyday. My adventures in the room changes either. But there is one thing that hasn't changed. The man is almost always at home. Get out and play! I sometimes shout at him. But he stays. I think the unseen spirits have sent me to take care of this man. I can also sense his strong faith. Seeing him always sit before the desk, fingers moving in the pad makes me sad. I wish I could change his life. I don't need him to be my pet. My name is "Hana," "Whozhi," or anything else, but I know I am a cat, I must work hard to be a pet. It's my duty. I must have faith to keep it.
3/15/2007
joke
甲打電話給乙。
甲：「欸，星期五有沒有空呀？我請你喝咖啡。」
乙：「真的嗎？好呀，要去哪一家？」
甲：「你知道星 X 克嗎？他星期五十點到十二點有免費咖啡可以喝。」
乙：「嗯⋯⋯」
甲：「你知道了嗎？再見。」
乙：「啊你不是要請我喝喔？就是這個？」
甲：「對呀，不然呢？再見！」
乙：「啊，要約什麼時候？⋯⋯我自己去喝喔？！」
甲：「對呀，記住了嗎？要去喔，再見。」
乙：「喔⋯⋯」
（掛電話。乙默默哭泣。）
甲：「欸，星期五有沒有空呀？我請你喝咖啡。」
乙：「真的嗎？好呀，要去哪一家？」
甲：「你知道星 X 克嗎？他星期五十點到十二點有免費咖啡可以喝。」
乙：「嗯⋯⋯」
甲：「你知道了嗎？再見。」
乙：「啊你不是要請我喝喔？就是這個？」
甲：「對呀，不然呢？再見！」
乙：「啊，要約什麼時候？⋯⋯我自己去喝喔？！」
甲：「對呀，記住了嗎？要去喔，再見。」
乙：「喔⋯⋯」
（掛電話。乙默默哭泣。）
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)